Dwindling Choices

After a trip to Russia a couple decades ago, a the part of culture shock that I experienced on my return to the U.S. related to the huge amount of choices available to us. Take a trip to the grocery store for a simple gallon of milk and you can see this at work. If you want milk, you can choose from name brand or store brand. And then there's fat free, 1%, 2% or whole milk. Or maybe you'd like organic milk. White or chocolate? Soy or cow? Crazy, isn't it? Or not. It doesn't seem at all crazy to us because it's our world. We learn to navigate the myriad of choices by creating a habit. I buy 2% milk and usually the store brand. So immediately I've narrowed the options available. If I want to change my habit though, I could easily switch to say, organic. After trying a few varieties I would probably narrow in on my preferred brand (or store) and stick with it.

And all the options we have, whether it be car insurance, radio stations, or milk, all stem from the free flow of commerce in a healthy capitalist society. At least that's my take on it (don't quote me, since I'm no economics guru). The thing is, I make this observation because I see the tide flowing the other way as our economy struggles. Our options are dwindling. I used to have four, five or maybe even more, furniture stores I could shop at when I wanted to buy something new for my home. Of those, at least two have closed down in recent years. Across all sectors of goods and services, more and more companies are closing their doors. With them go options.

I mention all of this because I see it happening in what seems to me to be the final frontier - the grocery store. Our local supermarket keeps having clearance sales and not all of them are to clear the shelves for new product. Some are to sell out the remainders from companies whose products will no longer be represented. The shelves remain filled, in an effort to keep up the appearance of continued options. But fact is, we have less to choose from. My usual grocery store no longer carries the pancake mix we like best. And a recent trip for a national brand of peanut butter revealed that it too was gone. I'm used to hunting down rare items (like two-step angel food cake mix and mushroom steak sauce). Now, it appears I'll be hunting down formerly common items.

The Post Russia Trip me would smile smugly and deem the dwindling of choices a return to better proportion. The Frugal Shopper Momma me frowns and wonders how far it will go. And the Politically Unsavvy me begins to understand a little better one side of the debate over health care reform. Choice can be bad when it's an addiction and we can't handle the lack of it. But in general, I think consumers benefit from a variety of options.

Too Many Tabs Open

My husband usually rolls his eyes, groans or in some other way, expresses his frustration at me whenever he uses the internet on my computer. "You have too many tabs open", he complains.

I glance over his shoulder to see what can be closed. Then I click on one or two tabs. He rolls his eyes again and I shrug my shoulders back. I can't help it that I'm never sure if I'm done with something. I wonder that if I close a tab, I might need it later and won't find it. Oh, I have a long list of bookmarks. But I rarely use them.

So is it a sign of my scattered mind that I leave all these tabs open? I actually keep a "to do" list and revel in checking things off as I complete them. And I try hard to end the week with everything done. "Try" being the operative word here. You see, I still leave unanswered emails and open tabs. I leave scrapbook supplies on the dining room table and notes on articles I'm writing on the desk. I have stacks of books I'm part way through on the bedside table and sewing projects midway to completion in the guest room closet.

No, I'm not disorganized or even necessarily messy. I have my "to do" lists to keep me from that. Most of those piles and stacks are only a week or two (at most a month) old. I just have more going at any one time than I can completely finish. Hence my plethora of tabs. All those tabs allow me a sense of control where I might feel out of control. As long as I can see it all there, I know I'll get to it sometime. Right?

No Time For School

Three day weekend! My kids are off school today and I find myself wondering just when it is that they are at school any more. In the month of February (granted it's a short month), my kids only had one full week of school. Looks like it will be five days of school next week, but then only three the following, followed by another five day week. Then it's a four day week before Spring Break starts and we're off for a bunch of days.

It's really messing with my writing mojo. I can't get back into the rhythm of things with all these days off. My productivity is waaaay down for the month of February. I know, poor me. But here's the thing - if I'm not getting much done with all these days off, what about the kids? Well, they aren't getting as much done either. How do I know? My third grader came home last night bringing homework to do over the long weekend. And it's not the first time. The teacher openly admits that there is not enough time in these shortened weeks to get it all done. So she's had to resort to sending work home in order to keep pace with the district's expectations.

Here's the funny thing: just this morning I was surmising that I'd found the reason for all the homeschoolers getting ahead of our public school kids in their class work. They have the opportunity to spend more time on their schoolwork than my kids do. And my guess was confirmed. Some homeschool friends just arrived, so I asked them, did they do school today? And their answer? Yes, they've been particularly working on the days the public school is off, because they're planning to head south for a couple of weeks and need to get nine days ahead of public school (I should clarify that they're doing a bit of hybrid schooling where some subjects they do at the public school, but most at home). Aha! I was right!

If the excess of days off frustrates me, I can't imagine how working parents must feel. What do they do when the kids aren't in school on work days? Aye yi yi!

Here we are. Another three day weekend. My kids are playing. I'm not getting much done. How about you?

Forgive Me For Being Less Than Perfect

I made a mistake today (big surprise, huh?). I got caught up being social and forgot a group of children who were waiting for me to come during their lunchtime to discuss a story with them. A friend pointed out that the children would have waited a little bit for me and then gone on to eat their lunch and enjoy recess. End of story for them.

When I realized my mistake, I quickly emailed the teachers and parents to apologize. Who knows what reaction I'll get from the parents. Most, I think will understand or at least accept my apologies. And any that might be annoyed by my mistake will get over it pretty quick. Already I've heard back from one of the moms indicating that she completely understands. No problem. Mistake forgiven on that count.

There's just one person that I know is definitely having a hard time being forgiving about this. She does it every time. Every little mistake I make she gets annoyed at - as if I'm not human and shouldn't ever make a mistake. She's angry. She's disappointed with me. She wants to exact payment of some sort for those poor kids. She's embarrassed. And she's not at all forgiving.

Who could be so hard-hearted toward a simple mistake? Me. I can't stand it when I make a mistake or a bad choice or lose my cool or do anything other than be perfect. Uh, yeah. Picture that. How often do you think I have to deal with the results of one of the above? Daily, sometimes hourly. And honestly I'm tired of this voice of perfection that can't handle even the slightest misstep. So I'm telling my perfectionist self one thing this afternoon: get. over. it. Everybody else will. And if my voice of perfection can't do that much, then well...it's not perfect either!

How about you? Do you hold yourself to an impossible standard, one that you'd never expect of anyone else? If not, how do you give yourself room to fail? I'm working on this one and would love to hear what you think.

My Reading Goals & Current Reading List

Last month, in keeping with New Year's, I set myself some goals for the year. I made goals for my writing and goals for my food consumption and goals related to personal fitness. And...I made some reading goals. I made it a goal to read one parenting book, one marriage book and one book on the writing craft each quarter. So far I'm on target with those goals. Admittedly, they aren't that aggressive. But that's the beauty of well set goals - they're realistic. So I expect to have the satisfaction of reaching those goals four times in the next 11 months. And with that, here's my list:

• Stein on Writing - by Sol Stein. This editor and author has had a part in the works of some incredible writers. I am thoroughly enjoying this book, both for the practical advice and for the great examples he provides. I've been pulling it out to refer to during my writing time recently. Thankfully it's a copy I own so I can keep going back to it once I've finished reading it. I'm marking it up a lot too.
• Say Goodbye to Whining, Complaining & Bad Attitudes...In You And Your Kids - by Scott Turansky & Joanne Miller. An excellent book with a horrible title. Instead it should be titled something like Parenting On The Honor System. It introduces the concept of honor as being central to changing the way your family relates to each other. And I can testify: it works. Since introducing the framework of honor to my family, I've seen my kids doing some really neat things for me and for each other (that could be a whole blog post of it's own). Plus I've be able to pinpoint some parenting tactics I've been using in error. If you're a parent and you haven't read this book - check it out now! It will be worth every minute of your time.
• The Spiritually Intimate Marriage - by Donald Harvey. Pulled this one off my bookshelf to give a more thorough reading. I've only gotten through one chapter, which tells me I need to put this closer to the top of my pile now. I like the topic it tackles, since it's one that's important but rarely addressed: how do you create a spiritual life together as a couple? I can't give a review yet and but maybe I'll do so later, although it's no longer in print.
  
• The Guernsey Literary & Potato Peel Pie Society - by Mary Anne Shaffer and Annie Barrows. I was very disappointed that I had to return this novel to the library before I could finish it. Guernsey Literary is about a British author (Juliet Ashton) who is looking for a new book idea during the post-war years. A letter from a farmer in on the island of Guernsey regarding a used book that once belonged to her, leads Juliet to begin correspondence with all the members of the literary society of the book's title. I won't give away any more. The delivery of the story through a series of letters might sound like a tricky concept. But the authors' voices are so unique and charming, that they absolutely pull you in. Actually, the voice, the time period and the setting all contribute to making this book an enchanting read. If you haven't read this book, I suggest you check it out. It makes for some very delightful reading - a great evening's companion.

There you go: three nonfiction titles, one novel and a few new releases this week. I hope you've gained some new ideas for your own reading list.

I could use some new ideas myself. So tell me this: what have you been reading lately? Or if you have reading goals of your own, feel free to share those too. I'd love to know.

Introducing: Never Say Never

Today's featured book is a new novel by Lisa Wingate. I've been up late more than one night following the stories of Kai & Donetta in this enjoyable Texan saga.*

Paperback: 352 pgs

Publisher: Bethany House Release Date: Feb. 1, 2010

ISBN-10: 0764204920

ISBN-13: 978-0764204920

Retail: $12.95

About the Book:

Kai Miller floats through life like driftwood tossed by waves. She's never put down roots in any one place--and she doesn't plan to. But when a chaotic hurricane evacuation lands her in Daily, Texas, she begins to think twice about her wayfaring existence. And when she meets hometown-boy Kemp Eldridge, she can almost picture settling down in Daily--until she discovers he may be promised to someone else. Daily has always been a place of refuge for those the wind blows in, but for Kai, it looks like it will be just another place to leave behind. Then again, Daily always has a few surprises in store--especially when Aunt Donetta has cooked up a scheme.

Some Background information from the author about Never Say Never :

1. How did you develop the initial story idea/plot line for this book?

Some book ideas you search for, and some just blow in on the wind. For the past several years, dating back to Hurricane Katrina, we in Central Texas have been the recipients of massive hurricane evacuations. These massive exoduses of people, pets, and belongings are frightening, frustrating, challenging, and at times oddly wonderful. When so many are on the road seeking shelter, the worst, but also the best qualities of humanity come to the surface. Hurricane evacuations truly provide times when we ask the question, "Am I my brother’s keeper?" In answering that question, we’ve enjoyed amazing moments of friendship and fellowship, family reunions, and chances to share a food and space with strangers from other parts of the country. We’ve traded stories and recipies, laughter and tears.

One thing we’ve learned about hurricanes, living here, is that the paths are never predictable. Storms waver, hesitate, speed up, slow down, and sometimes change course unexpectedly. Evacuations needs can change and develop quickly. What better way for the beauty shop girls to find their inner strength and to show Daily hospitality, than for their cruise plans to land them smack in the middle of a sudden and chaotic hurricane evacuation?

2. Almost every author puts a little of themselves into their stories—what did you put of yourself into this one? (personality traits, life events/jobs, settings, characters based on people you know, likes/dislikes, etc.)

There’s a bit of me in the setting, of course. I love Texas, in all its variety of cultures and landscapes, but, living in a small town, I have a particular affection for little bergs like Daily, where the coffee’s always hot, and a good slide of pecan pie can cure most ills. Having watched our little town mobilize to take in hurricane evacuees several times now, I’ve been reminded that sometimes the worst things that can happen bring out the best in people. Given the opportunity and faced with the need, regular people can rise to the occasion in amazing ways, as do the citizens of Daily in the book.

Some members of the Wingate family might also claim to recognize themselves among the citizens of Daily, Texas. I would offer the disclaimer that any resemblances are completely unintentional, but that would be a bald-faced lie. When you come from a family of great storytellers and colorful characters, there’s nothing to do but make use of what you’ve got.

3. Did you encounter any interesting challenges while writing/researching for this book? Please explain if so.

The most difficult part of working on Never Say Never was researching and reliving the devastation left behind on the Texas gulf coast last year after Hurricane Ike. While interviewing family members about their experiences during the evacuation and return, we shared laughter and quite a few tears. For those who have lived in southeast Texas all their lives, talking about familiar landmarks, heirlooms, and old family places that were washed away forever, knowing some things will never be the same, is both difficult and devastating. For those of us who have so many memories of family gatherings and vacations there, it’s hard to believe we’ll never visit the old places again.

4. Why is this book/story relevant today?

Despite our best-laid plans, we all experience storms in life—whether those storms be of a weather-related nature, or due to an illness, death, or in recent months, job loss and financial misfortune. When the parameters of life and our ability to control fate suddenly change, we’re confronted with our own helplessness and need to rely on other people and God. In a culture that values independence and self-sufficiency, it’s important to remember that we all have a common need and a common responsibility for each other and that without faith we really are alone in the storm.

About the Author:

Lisa Wingate is a popular inspirational speaker, magazine columnist, and national bestselling author of several books, including Tending Roses, Talk of the Town, Drenched in Light, A Thousand Voices, and A Month of Summer. Her work was recently honored by the Americans for More Civility for promoting greater kindness and civility in American life. Lisa and her family live in central Texas.

Lisa Wingate’s

How to Talk Texan

Road Trip Tutorial

A couple dozen phrases that'll keep you from lookin' like you don't know gee from haw. You can hang your hat on it!

Hey, y’all!

If you’re planning a road trip across Texas, well, my friend, you’d better get your trottin’ harness on, I’ll tell you that right now.

This state’s wider than a woodcutter’s pile. You’ll be so busy here, you’ll think you’re twins. You might even meet yourself comin’ and goin’ or travel so fast you’ll catch up to yesterday.

One thing’s for sure--there won’t be any grass growin’ under your feet, especially if it’s summer, because it’ll be hot as a nanny goat in a pepper patch. Don’t let that trouble your mind, though.

Seeing the whole state might seem about as easy as tryin’ to saddle up house flies or put socks on the rooster, but here’re a few phrases that’ll make your trip just as smooth as a calf’s ear. You’ll find this little bit of Texan talk just as handy as a pocket on a shirt. With these phrases, you’ll be right at home in jig time, and happy as a pig in sunshine, I promise.

Folks’ll think you’re just as fine as frog hair split four ways. Why, you might even find yourself a Texas gal who’s cute as a bug’s ear or a fella who catches your eye like a tin roof at noonday. Even if you don’t find love here, you’ll run across lots of folks who’re so friendly, they’ll add a cup of water to the soup and tell you to get your sittin’ britches on.

Some of them might be full of wind as a corn-eatin’ horse, but you’ll be welcome ‘till whenever you figure it’s time to put the chairs in the wagon and turkey-tail it toward home.

When you do, we’ll keep a light on and a hitch out for ya, just in case you miss us like a west Texas farmer misses rain. You’re welcome to darken our door any old time. Long as we got a biscuit, my friend, you got half, and if that ain’t a fact, well, then I’m hip high to a horned toad.

Y’all come back now, y’hear!

--Lisa Wingate (and the REST of the folks in Daily, Texas, too!)

For stories with Texas flavor

and fun, come see us at www.Lisawingate.com

And announcing a special Blog Tour Drawing (one lucky commenter will be entered in a drawing for the following fantastic prize):

Grandprize Drawing

Donetta and Imagene's Texas Road Trip Basket (approximate total value over $150)

Take a Texas road trip, without ever leaving home!

Featuring:

The Daily Texas Series by Lisa Wingate:

Talk Of the Town

Word Gets Around

Never Say Never

The Blue Sky Hills Series by Lisa Wingate:

A Month of Summer

The Summer

Kitchen

Beyond Summer (a special advance copy not available in stores until July 2010)

Road Trip Snacks (Straight from Texas, of course!)

Wrap it all up with a fuzzy, fleecy Texas throw blanket for those cold nights on the road (or curled up with your books!)

*Kathy Carlton Willis Communications provided me (Amusing Mom) with a review copy of this book.

Celebrating the release of Thin Places

Today I'm glad to share with you about a new book by Mary DeMuth, called Thin Places. I've had the opportunity to meet Mary at a writer's conference and have benefited from her wisdom on writing and navigating the publishing industry through her blog, So You Want To Be Published. She's both an excellent writer and a delightful, authentic woman.

Mary has worked hard to earn her right to be heard, with more than a half-dozen books already to her credit. With this book she reveals some of the most difficult experiences in her life. She does so with taste and and huge amount of grace. The context in which she explores her past in this spiritual memoir lends a redemptive tone to both painful and ordinary experiences in her life. It's well worth a read.

Now that I've shared my brief thoughts on this book, let's hear from Mary about her journey to the publication of Thin Places:

What trials did you face as a child?
Childhood sexual abuse at five
Parents with addictions
Feelings of being unwanted
An unsafe home
Neglect
Death of a parent
Loneliness
Suicidal thoughts
Three divorces

It’s hard to write all that out and not feel bad for little me. But even in the recounting, I’ve been able to see the thin places in my life, those snatches of moments where God came near. That’s the message and hope of Thin Places, being able to see the nearness of God amidst heartache.

What compelled you to write Thin Places?

I felt sufficiently healed from my past, which had been a long, long journey. And in that healing, I knew I had the perspective I needed to be able to communicate my story with hope. In the past, I’d vomit my story of sexual abuse and neglect on any poor soul who’d listen, not with the intention to help her grow through her story, but to gain empathy.

But now I marvel at the path God’s brought me on, how gently He’s led me to this place of wholeness. From that abundance, I share my story. Why? Because I believe sharing the truth about our stories helps others see their own stories.

While I recorded the audio book for Thin Places, the producer asked me why I’d splay my life out this way.

“Because I don’t want folks to feel alone,” I told him.

“You’ve given a gift,” he said.

I sure hope so.

In this memoir you give readers a candid glimpse into your upbringing. Was it hard to share particular parts of your story?
In some ways, it was easy. I’ve shared my story over a decade now. What was hard was giving myself permission to say it all, to not hold back, to explore the emotions I experienced during the rapes, the drug parties, the feelings of loneliness.

Oddly, though, it was harder for me to share what I’m dealing with now as a result of my upbringing than the actual initial trauma. It’s hard to admit that I’m still so needy, so insecure. After reading the book aloud, I saw I still had areas of growth, particularly in being so hard on myself.

What do you hope readers gain from reading your memoir?
I hope they see hope.

I hope they realize how profound and surprising and radical God’s redemption is.

I hope they’ll see the irresistibility of Jesus.

Some folks wait until grandparents and parents are deceased until they write a memoir, but you wrote yours with some still alive. Was that difficult?

Extremely. In many ways, agonizing. You can be assured that I prayed through every word. I’m thankful for my critique group who walked me through the writing and my stellar editor who helped shape the manuscript into a redemptive story. My goal was not to impugn or point the finger at what went wrong way back when, but to shout about God’s ability to transform a needy, incomplete girl.

It’s never easy to tell the truth, and I know my words may hurt some. But, thankfully, I’ve sought God’s heart in this and I can rest peacefully in knowing that.

Anne Lamott says, “Risk being unliked. Tell the truth as you understand it. If you’re a writer, you have a moral obligation to do this. And it is a revolutionary act—truth is always subversive.”

Thin Places is my answer to her quote.

But why go there? Why examine the past? Hasn’t the old passed away?
Yes, of course we must move forward. We must move beyond our pasts. But in order to do that, we must mourn the reality of what happened, not bury it under a rug. I love what Sam says in The Two Towers movie about the importance of telling our stories, no matter how dark: “It’s like in the great stories, Mr. Frodo. The ones that really mattered. Full of darkness and danger they were. And sometimes you didn’t want to know the end. Because how could the end be happy? How could the world go back to the way it was when so much bad has happened? But in the end, it’s only a passing thing, this shadow. Even darkness must pass. A new day will come. And when the sun shines it will shine out the clearer. Those were the stories that stayed with you.”

It’s my sincere hope that my story will stay with readers, not because of its sordidness, but because the Light of Jesus has shined so brightly upon it.

What encouragement or cautions do you have for those wanting to write their story?
First, prayerfully consider if this is something you need to do for therapy rather than publication. It’s very exposing to write a memoir. And sometimes we mistake the compelling feeling we have with publication. God sometimes calls us to write unpublished words, to get everything out on the page for the sake of our own personal healing.

Many of you have read memoirs that are self-indulgent or a poor-me fest. You need to evaluate whether you’re at a good place of healing before you embark on writing your story for everyone to read.

Do you worry that writing a memoir makes you out to be narcissistic?
Of course. Because I’m the main character! As I’ve edited, read and re-read the book, I’ve agonized over that. Now that the book’s released, I am resting. What’s done is done. And I honestly believe that the story isn’t about me. It’s about a rejuvenating God who stooped to rescue a needy, frail girl.

What fears have you battled as this book released?
Because this is such a personal book, I’ve worried about negative reviews. In some ways that’s good because it will force me to find my security and love from the One who made me, rather than the opinions of others. I’ve received some great endorsements, but also some harsh reviews. And those are the ones that knife me! Because the book’s about me!

I worry that I’ll be misunderstood. Or that telling the truth will hurt others. I’ve made a point to disguise nearly everyone and everything in the book, but of course the potential for hurt feelings is high.

I fear opposition by the father of lies. Since this is a truth-filled book, displaying authentic struggle, I have a feeling he won’t like it. I’m thankful for a specific, targeted prayer team around me to pray for protection regarding the release of this book. It’s humbling, actually, to see how God brought those pray-ers together.

Author and speaker Mary DeMuth helps people turn their trials to triumph. Her books include Ordinary Mom, Extraordinary God; Building the Christian Family You Never Had; Watching the Tree Limbs; Wishing on Dandelions; Authentic Parenting in a Postmodern Culture and the first two books in the Defiance, Texas Trilogy: Daisy Chain and A Slow Burn.
National media regularly seek Mary’s candid ability to connect with their listeners. Her radio appearances include FamilyLife Today, Moody Midday Connection, Point of View and U.S.A. Radio Network and is frequently featured on Chuck Colson’s BreakPoint. She has published articles in In Touch, HomeLife, Writer’s Digest and The Writer.
Mary lives with her husband Patrick and their three children in Texas.

Learn more about Mary at http://marydemuth.com. And please, please check out her new book, Thin Places on Amazon.

To read more posts about Thin Places, check out the Thin Places Blog Tour.

It's Book Week Time Again

It's Book Week time again! This week I'll be introducing you to two new books - one on Monday and one on Wednesday. Then on Friday I'll be sharing my current reading list, along with some goals I've set for reading this year.

So check back in the coming days. In the meantime, what have you been reading lately? Any good books to recommend?

Thoughts on Facebook "Friendships"

I'm beginning to wonder about whether Facebook is actually good for some friendships. It is getting more and more hype these days, particularly for it's ability to reconnect people. But what isn't touted are all the other activities that one can engage in on Facebook that can actually harm a friendship. I'm serious here.

Take the whole "becoming a fan" thing. Just the other day one of my Facebook friends joined a group called "I Hate ___". Except what they were hating is actually something I genuinely appreciate and respect. Then today that same friend loudly proclaimed a political leaning that I'm strongly against. I'm beginning to question whether I want to continue to be friends with them on Facebook and deal with the ongoing passive attacks on my beliefs.

Without Facebook, my chances of being in contact with this person were incredibly slim. And I'd forgotten her outspokeness and political leanings. I actually had fond memories of this friend. Now with all of the silly opportunities to proclaim you're likes and dislikes on Facebook, I've lost a lot of respect for this friend. And I've started getting angry reading about her FB activities. It's made me consider searching for groups to join that proclaim my stance in opposition to her. But it's not worth it and I'd rather not be reactionary.

So for now, I think I might just "hide" her. And I'll definitely think twice before "becoming a fan" of something - not because I'm afraid of offending my friends, but just because maybe my FB friends don't need me to parade my beliefs in front of them.

Oh, and if you're someone who hates Louisiana Hot Sauce? Sorry, bout that, but I became a "fan" today. Supposedly it will get me a free bottle if New Orleans wins in the Super Bowl tomorrow.

But If You Try Sometimes

you just might find...you get what you had been hoping for all along.

This past weekend I took my husband away for a night in Chicago. It's not something we've ever done before and (for economic reasons) we're not likely to do it again real soon. It started a few months ago when I spotted a really good rate at a hotel on Michigan Avenue. With a little planning, it turned into a great night on the town.

First off - the hotel. Can I tell you how convenient it was to have a room at a hotel right next door to the John Hancock building and within walking distance of theatres and shops and restaurants? I lost count of the number of times we went out to one place and then returned to the hotel for something and then headed back out again. It was that easy and honestly, that fun. Before dinner we went out to the theatre to pick up tickets (which weren't in yet, but oh well). Then we went back briefly to the hotel before wandering around the shops in Water Tower Place. Then it was off to dinner and a stop in at the hotel before going to the play (Icarus at Lookingglass Theatre - a very somber show, but well done by a very versatile and creative group).

My favorite part of our evening out was stopping at The Cheesecake Factory in the bottom floor of the Hancock building. Neither of us had been to The Cheesecake Factory before, anywhere. What an amazing place. With all the curved walls, copper moldings, and flower-shaped furnishings, it felt like we'd stepped into something from Alice in Wonderland. And yet it had a very cosmopolitan feel to it too. Perfect for dessert out during a night on the town.

Other items of note: our table at dinner had a tablecloth and china and wine glasses. Oh, and linen napkins. The bald waiter managed to be appropriately attentive and funny. The noise level in the dining area was suitably low (except for the older couple in the booth behind me, who were delightfully interesting in their choice of loud dinner conversation topics). And contrary to my usual tendency of choosing something bland and uninteresting off the menu (while AmusingDad gets the spicy dish), I selected a New Zealand seafood stew that absolutely did not disappoint. Then again, I think that the initial choice in restaurants had more to do with the quality of food than in the particular choice of dish itself. I'm guessing almost anything off the menu would have been superb.

So finally (FINALLY!) I got to have the night out I'd been wanting. I think AmusingDad enjoyed it too. Although earlier that day he'd been pining for a buck-fifty Polish sausage at Costco. His reaction to the steak at dinner was only lukewarm in comparison. But he assures me he could have gotten just as excited about the steak if it had been a buck-fifty.

Sets My Teeth on Edge

It's only a small thing - the fact that every toothbrush we've gotten over the past 5 years hasn't fit into the toothbrush holder in my children's bathroom. But it's enough to set my teeth on edge. Why, oh why, can't the manufacturers cooperate on this? If the toothbrush makers are going to insist on making only wide, ergonomic handles for their brushes, then why can't the people producing the holders work on widening the openings?

Like I say, it's a small thing. But it makes a difference in our home. Now the kids' bathroom counter is constantly littered with toothbrushes, and consequently, sticky globs of toothpaste residue. Not to mention the extra sharing of germs that occurs due to the scattering of brushes.

In our bathroom we resolved the issue by jamming the handles into the holder. Our toothbrushes stand up extra tall and not so straight. In fact, they sorta lean. But they're off the counter.

Let this be a warning, dear shopper. If you're the in market for a new toothbrush holder, make sure it has extra wide openings for the new-fangled toothbrush handles out there. You might even want to take a whopper toothbrush with you, if you have one on hand. It's not always easy to tell if they'll fit just by looking.

Or maybe we should all just talk to our dentist and ask if he could (pretty please) go back to simple toothbrushes with slim handles.

Oh wait, what's this? My children went to the dentist this past week and they came back with...could it be?!...straight handled toothbrushes?!! Oh, happy day! (But I'm still getting the bigger slotted holder next time I have to buy one. You never know when the dentist is going to go all fancy on the toothbrushes again.)

Life Can Be Rough

His eyes were rimmed red and he barely looked up as he spoke. I listened as another hot lunch mom asked the distressed fourth-grader to repeat what lunch he had ordered. The other students at the lunch table chatted and ate, moving clumsily in their bulky winter coats and snowpants. Beside them, the teary-eyed boy looked thin in his striped shirt and jeans. He burst into a fresh flow of tears as the other mom hurried off to find his missing lunch order.

"We'll get your lunch real quick," I said, stooping down to reassure the boy.

"It's not about my lunch!" he retorted. "I'm not crying about that. It's...it's everything!" And then he launched into a litany of missteps and injustices that had seemed to follow him that day, among them that he'd been sentenced to staying inside for recess. This explained his clothes, and more importantly, his tears.

I listened until he was done pouring out his story. "The day is already halfway through. It will get better," I promised.

He began crying again. "But it won't get better! After lunch I have math, and I hate math!"

He sat with his back to the table, his shoulders hunched in defeat. I gave him a small pat on the back and a few more words of reassurance, before moving on to continue helping to serve lunch.

A short while later I went to stand against the wall by the cafeteria door to eat my own lunch while chatting with another mom. I glanced over at the boy. He still sat with his back to the table. He wasn't smiling. But his pizza bagel and tears were gone. A few moments later the lunch monitors began directing the children to clean up. I threw out my napkin and went over to the boy.

"I hope your day does get better," I said to him, giving him another quick pat on the back.

He gave me a glance and a half smile and stood to join the line of children leaving the cafeteria.

Life can be rough, even when you're in fourth grade. I sure hope he goes home to a mom who gives him a big hug and a listening ear.

And when my kids get home, I'll be waiting to do the same.

Taking Matters Into Her Own Hands

Poor Uber-Princess. Seems her social life isn't what she's been hoping for. At school she enjoys hanging out with her friends and will often talk about plans to play later. Her homebody mom tries to accommodate this as best she can and generally arranges at least one playdate each week. But that's too slow for the Uber-Princess. Recently she's begun taking matters into her own hands.

Over Christmas break we called one school friend to invite her to play. There was no answer, so we left a message. We never heard back. I reassured her that the friend was probably away on vacation (she was) and we could set something up after school started again. The Uber-Princess, knowing the slowpoke her mom can be about these things, took care of things straight away on Monday morning. She wrote her phone number on the back of her friend's paper and urged the friend to have her mother call to set up that playdate.

A few days later the phone rang. The number had been passed on. We moms conferred and set up a playdate for next week. The Uber-Princess's actions set things in motion far faster than if she'd waited on the grownups to get their acts together.

She has also recently been talking about one boy in her class with whom she plays a lot in school. They have hit it off well and both agree that this warrants some after school play time as well. Each day she comes home and talks about this little boy and what they could play if he came over (to our mega-girly home). I've been thinking I'd chat with the boy's mom about it the next time I saw her. Which was today. Apparently the Uber-Princess beat me to it. The boy's mom volunteered with their class in the library yesterday and the Uber-Princess took the opportunity to approach the mom about the possibility of a playdate.

*Sigh.* I can barely imagine what the teen years will be like with this one. If she has her way it will probably be a string of endless social activity. The Uber-Princess is one that likes to keep her dance card full. Question is: can her mother keep up?

Can't Always Get What You Want

I keep thinking about an occasion over our Christmas break that I've been meaning to post about. So here it is (for what it's worth):

We had a great, low-key Christmas. Not a lot of running around and still plenty of good family time. The only thing I felt was missing for me was a break from cooking. It felt like, between holiday baking and fixing goodies, plus regular meal prep, that I was in the kitchen all the time. Even the couple hours I spent Christmas Eve (while my family watched a movie) putting together our Christmas brunch dishes in an effort to avoid the kitchen on Christmas Day didn't work. Sometime in the afternoon of Christmas Day my DH wandered in and saw me hunched over the stove.

"What are you cooking now?" he asked.

"Dessert." I wanted to make sure we had our traditional Grasshopper Pie. It's one of my favorites. It seemed worth the time in the kitchen on Christmas Day. And after all, I reasoned, there's always tomorrow for taking a break. In fact, I became so enamored with the idea of a night off from cooking I began to envision what it would be like. DH and the girls would take me out to dinner - somewhere nice with cloth linens on the tables and wine on the menu. Italian would be perfect. I held this image in my head that evening and through the next night when I found myself in the kitchen yet again, trying to use up our leftover ham bone.

The next afternoon I made my appeal. "Can we please go out for dinner tonight?" I asked.

The kids began jumping up and down, squealing with excitement. "Gyro King! Gyro King!" they shouted. This was followed by a long list of reasons why we should go there, including the fact that they had been wanting to go there for years. [Ahem]

Guess where we went for dinner? A little Greek joint with plain wood tables and a guy behind the counter running a buzzing blade down a suspended slab of lamb, with another guy cooking the cuts of meat over a huge sizzling metal cook top.

I took a spot at a table in the empty "restaurant" and sat back to wait for DH to carry over the trays with our meal. Snow whirled and swirled outside and occasionally the bell over the door rang as a carryout customer entered. We had the place to ourselves.

The meal? How to describe it...picture a large round wooden table with a family of five crowded around it on hard wooden chairs. Stacks of thin paper napkins and bottles of ketchup grace the center of the table. Posters of Greece line the otherwise bare walls. A cook on break sitting with his back against the swinging kitchen door talks on his cell phone.

LMH, Timid Daughter and I split two meals between us. This left me to eat my portion out of an emptied french fry carton, nary a plate (paper or other) in sight. At least I had a straw for drinking out of my can of soda. Onions oozed from my garlic-laden sandwich, grease dripping from the other end. Yes, this was my stupendous dinner out!

What made it all tolerable, laughable even, was how outrageously huge of a departure it was from the meal I had envisioned -- that and watching the Uber-Princess and her father study a collection of Chicago Cow photos while they waited for our meal, hand in hand, standing close together. It was family time. And it was memorable.

Of course I'm still waiting for that nice Italian dinner. And maybe dessert to go with it.

Merry Christmas!

"Today in the town of David a Savior has been born to you; he is Christ the Lord. " Luke 2:11

"Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid." John 14:27

I wish you peace today - in your home and your neighborhood, with family, with friends and yes, even with enemies. But most of all, I wish you peace with God that Jesus came to bring, the peace that only Jesus can bring.

"I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world." John 16:33.

This is what Christmas is about. It's about God making a way for things to be right between Him and us. Sure, life here and now won't always be sunshine and roses, but we can be sure that one day all things will be made right and whole and we'll live eternally in peace rather than condemnation. Yet I think it's alright to hope for peace now too. It's something that our hearts long for and something we rejoice in finding. So even though peace on earth may be fleeting or illusive, I hope that today you find it. And I hope in finding it you understand Christmas even better.

Merry Christmas! Peace to you and yours.

Calgon, Take Me Away!

Remember that commercial? The one with the harried mom, who escapes to her bath to relax? Seems appropriate for this busy time of year, doesn't it. After all, who wouldn't go for an evening of quiet to relax in a warm bath right about now.

I got to thinking about Calgon the other evening as I poured some bath salts into the tub for the Uber Princess.

"See how it makes the water feel smooth?" I asked her. I waited for her response and in that moment a rush of memories came to me.

Suddenly I was eleven years old again and at my grandmother's house, running my hands through the silky smoothness of a Calgon-rich bath. It was a special wintertime treat, just at Grandma's house, to have Calgon in my bath. And nothing compared. The water would be steaming when I climbed in and I would sneak a look at the snow-covered forest out the window beside the tub before sinking down into the warmth. I'd soak until the water grew chilly or one of my sisters banged on the door for their turn. Then reluctantly I would slide out, slick with the softened water. I'd huddle in my towel for a bit, frustrated by the lingering feeling of being wet that couldn't be dried away, but still pleased to have such a treat.

I couldn't tell if my homemade salts softened the water the same way that Calgon did. And I couldn't recreate the magic of baths at Grandma's house on a cold winter night. But it was enough to have that memory take me away, back to those special times.

More Holiday Organization

Yesterday I was thinking about writing a post on staying organized during the Christmas season. I'd been pulling things together for holiday food prep and was feeling super on-top-of-things. Then today came. With no bread in the house (even though I stopped at the grocery store yesterday) I scrambled to pack lunches for my girls. I scrounged up a couple of hamburger buns, slapped on mayo and cheese and called it good.

Then close to pick up time for kindergarten I realized that I hadn't planned what to feed the Uber-Princess and her two friends. No bread, supply of mac 'n cheese questionable - what to do?! Thankfully my freezer contained a dozen chicken nuggets and multiple bags of french fries. Stocking up in quantity pays off sometimes.

I think I've recovered from the bread fiasco now. However, any tips I share here on staying organized between Thanksgiving and Christmas... well, don't take it from me as an expert. Instead take it from one who needs it as much or even more than you.

Here's my tip: if you have more than one cookbook or recipe file you use for things like Christmas cookies and other holiday cooking, save yourself the stress of trying to locate all your special recipes. Instead copy the recipes for all the foods you traditionally make and place them into a binder along with all of your other Christmastime information (Christmas card lists, gift lists, etc). I like to keep the Christmas morning recipes on one page, party foods on another and cookies/candies on another. Then at the end of November when I'm making a list of ingredients to stock up on, I'm less likely to forget one of our favorites. I can easily scan the pages and plan my list. This is especially useful for those recipes that you only use once a year. It's such a relief in the midst of the busyness to have all this information at your fingertips.

Now if I could just find that holiday binder... Just kidding! Hope you're staying sane in the midst of all the preparations, packages and parties.

Nobody Everyone Is Special

The other day I had a conversation that was very telling of a phenomenon in our culture that has backfired on itself. Here's the conversation, see if you can catch what's wrong with the picture:

Grandma: I found a really cute matching t-shirt set the other day at Bass Pro Shops that would be great for the Uber-Princess and her Grandpa. They say "My Fishing Buddy".

Me: Cool! That does sound perfect. She loves to fish with him.

Grandma: Yeah, but then I thought maybe all the other grandkids would feel left out.

Me: Oh? Well, certainly my kids would think it's cool since they don't care as much about fishing as she does.

Grandma: Well, I didn't get them. I didn't want anyone to feel bad.

So there you have it. See what's wrong there? Nobody gets to be special in case it makes somebody else feel bad. Amusing Dad pointed out that it's a lot like our park district soccer games. The teams aren't allowed to keep score. That way there aren't any "losers". But then again there also aren't any winners. In an effort to protect children's "fragile" psyche's, we rob them of the opportunity to be applauded for anything. And all the sheltering we do is foolishness. The kids get it. They know which team won and which team lost. Even if we're not keeping score - they are. And in doing so they reflect something about human nature. They reflect the natural desire we all have to know where we rank in just about every area of life...because we hope that somewhere in there we'll come out on top.

It's unfortunate that society has ruled that the adults aren't allowed to call it like it is and actually make kids feel special. So the Uber-Princess's cousins aren't Grandpa's fishing buddies. They might be his bird watching buddies or workshop buddies or something else instead. Or maybe they're special to Grandpa for some other reason entirely. Too bad their grandparents (on one side of the family, at least) will never actually let them know it - or if they do, certainly not where anyone else can hear. And too bad that kids everywhere are being offered fewer and fewer opportunities to be recognized publicly for the gifts and abilities God has given them. No wonder kids have "self esteem issues" these days. All of our coddling has had the exact opposite effect.

This mom thinks it's time to stop saying that nobody is special and start finding the things that make each child special. For Christmas this year, maybe we should give our kids a hearty pat on the back for every thing they've done well at or tried hard at or failed graciously at. And we should do it in the presence of their siblings. They just might learn not to make the same mistake we've been making in recent years. They might learn that it's okay for somebody else to be Grandpa's fishing buddy. And in this age, that in itself would make them special.

Quick follow up to the Christmas Miracles post: Llama Momma was the winner of the gift basket drawing. Congrats to her!

It's a Crafty Time of Year

There's no denying it: I'm a crafty gal. When I spot a new craft idea, my heart pumps at top speed and my mind clicks and my hands start itching to get down to work. Naturally with the holiday gift giving season upon us the number of new craft ideas to be spotted seems endless. And my dining room table has been a wreck for the past week or so as a result. Here are a few of my latest projects:

BATH SALTS SHOWER FAVORS

These are shower favors from everydayMOM's baby shower on Sunday. They're scented bath salts (lavendar, peppermint, eucalyptus/spearmint, sweet orange, grapefruit/lime and rosemary). I bought the jars at Ikea and added some cute rub-on butterflies and then made a variety of bath salts (you can find a recipe in Pampering Gifts on page 96). Seemed like a good gift going into winter - nothing like warming up in a hot bath!


JOURNAL JAR
I got the idea for this from a free online class I did over at Jessica Sprague's website. You can find the instructions and free printable journaling prompts at Organized Christmas.com. Timid Daughter made this as a gift for her teacher - she picked out the journal and coordinating paper and had fun helping decorate the jar. Hopefully her teacher likes it as much as we do!



CHRISTMAS POCKET ORGANIZER

This pocket organizer was soooo simple to make. I found an unused school folder in my closet and dug through my scrapbooking supplies to put it together with things I had on hand. Now I have no excuse not to be prepared this Christmas. Although I guess I actually have to start using it, don't I. You can find instructions for the folder portion at Scrapping Our Stash. Free printable forms to fill the pockets are over at Organized Christmas (look out for that site - if you're a crafter you could get totally sucked in by all the creative ideas they have there).

(Inside of pocket planner)

(Left 2 pockets)

(Right 2 pockets)

So there ya go! Just a little bit of what happens at the Musing house when the craft bug bites! Watch out though... it just might be contagious (here's hoping it is)!

Midwestern Subtlety

Did you ever notice the regional pride that some Americans exhibit? Depending on where you live in the United States, you'll pride yourself on those things peculiar to your area. East Coast it's often seafood, like lobster boils or clam bakes. The Southwest has it's cowboy boots and Navajo art. And naturally, we can't leave out the Southerners with their sweet tea and hos-pi-tal-i-ty. Everyone's got there schtick and some more than others. But what about those of us here in the Midwest? What's our trademark? Corn? Yeah, right.

I think it's harder to pinpoint the traits of Midwesterners because foremost among them is subtlety. We don't parade our Midwesternness around. We don't busy ourselves touting the benefits of living where we do. We don't brag on the features that make us unique among American. We don't wax eloquent over our traditions. We don't blow our horns about the great foods we make. And we have no twangs or drawls or other accents to make us stand out. Yes, Midwesterners have mastered the art of subtlety.

However, I'm going to be a little no-so-subtle for a moment and actually tell you about two things that the Midwest can lay claim to that might matter right now.

• Number 1: when you need help figuring out just how long to thaw that turkey or what you should baste it with, who are you going to call? Okay, so maybe you'll call Mom. But millions of other Americans will be calling the turkey hotline at Butterball U. And guess who will be answering? Some wonderful ladies right here in our fair city of Naperville. 'Cuz folks, if anybody can talk turkey, it's us Midwesterners, vanilla accent and all. Actually that's part of the appeal to having the hotline manned here - we're easy to understand by anyone anywhere. No burnt turkey because you misheard that twangy phone operator. Just some friendly Midwestern advice, given for free. That's how we are here.
  
• Number 2: Glee fans, did you know that it's probably no accident that the show is set in Ohio? Midwest Living magazine points out that 22 of the top 25 show choirs hail from high schools right here in the Midwest. Yup, we can sing too!

And now you know. Us Midwesterners might not always tell you about it, but it's pretty cool living here. We have plenty of great things to see and do and be. But we're not going to beat you over the head with them. We'll just sit back and relax and wait for you to discover them for yourselves. Most of the time.


Inbox is at 5.