This past Sunday my husband packed our three girls into the minivan and headed downstate to Urbana to go to church (for a farewell to the pastor who married us). Ordinarily I would have watched them pull out of the drive and then skipped into the house and started the party. But I didn't. I had lingered in the open minivan door blowing kisses and wishing I could go, until the last minute. Then I trudged into the house and slowly forced myself to continue on with the preparations. I had to miss a family road trip to host a bridal shower. No time to enjoy the freedom of no kids in the house.
It was one in a series of commitments that has kept me from having much time for my husband, my kids, or for myself, or just for kicking back. I haven't kicked back for more than a few minutes in a long time. And I'm missing it - the time with my husband, the kids, alone. I can't wait until I can choose to just do something fun and not feel like I have to sneak that time.
So this morning I will be passing off a huge project I've been working for the last month and a half. And then? I'll be skipping all around the house having a big old celebration! Freedom! And this evening we don't have any commitments because Awana is over. Whoo hoo! I don't know what we'll do first. Play a game? Go out for ice cream? Run through the sprinkler? Or just cuddle in a blanket fort under the table?
Ah, the joys of freedom. Being able to choose what we do and when we do it - something we take for granted too often. This is one of the joys of childhood too and one of the best reasons to choose not to over schedule our kids. They need that freedom or they'll feel even more pressured and stifled than I've been feeling. It's unnatural, for adults and for kids. And while we've got a bunch of things left on our calendar for May, I'm really looking forward to June and Summertime. It's a blank slate right now and I'm going to keep it as much that way as I can. Then when July Fourth comes we can just amp up the celebration that's already going on.
I love my freedom!
(Note: the shower was actually a lot of fun and not the killjoy it might have come across as above. I had a wonderful co-hostess whose great planning skills had us sitting with our feet up an hour before party time. Thank you, Aunt Judy!)