I'm standing in my kitchen today and I get a surreal feeling. Like, is this for real? Is this beautiful kitchen mine? Am I the lady of this house? How did I get here?
The lyrics of the Talking Heads song, "Once in a Lifetime" start playing in my mind. Part of it goes: "And you may find yourself behind the wheel of a large automobile. And you may find yourself in a beautiful house, with a beautiful wife. And you may ask yourself-well...how did I get here?"
Do you ever feel that way? Like you're just shamming; playing pretend; faking your way along? Today is that kind of day for me. Somehow I got to be the wife and the mom in this house. And I have to play those roles convincingly, even though I'm not always convinced myself that I can play them or even any of the other roles I play. I "coordinate" things for the church nursery and write up convincing sounding correspondence for my moms' group. I try to fake it in sales and marketing for my small business, pretending I've got a slick, professional operation when it's really just little old me at my computer banging out marketing copy and press releases.
I'm waiting for someone to find the curtain and pull it back to reveal...me. Just a simple gal, blowing all the bells and whistles to make it look like I know what I'm doing. Then again, maybe there is no curtain. Maybe I'm learning enough along the way that some of the things I'm doing are no longer shamming. And a saying I heard as a teen from motivational speaker, George O'Hare, still echoes in my mind louder than the Talking Heads lyrics. "Fake it 'til you make it", he said. Maybe he's right, maybe someday soon I'm actually going to "make it".